Yesterday's Storm Made Today's Growth

Merry Christmas!

So its Halloween. I hope you all have all your stuff for your costumes ready.










( More Halloween Advice )

Wow! One freaking year ago......






The Perseid meteor shower was last night, after midnight. Even though I am such a space fan I had not motivation to go outside to look at them. Perhaps I was afraid I would see her racing them through the sky. Perhaps. I cleared small viney flowers from over top of her name. They still haven't put up her stone. I told her we were putting up a sign. I thought she'd get a kick out of the phrasing.


Love you, Mom.

You are velvet and leather, libraries with dog-eared pages, muscial archaeology from raided jungle tombs. My hands rove across your skin like hungry wolves searching; like a couple of muttering loonies fighting over the last swig of gut-rot trapped in a paper bag. You are as fragile as snowflakes, and as tough as train tracks. My little contradiction of character. You tie my string theory in knots of faith and funk rhythms. I covet you like a villain, keeping you safe as museums. I love you with a never-ending renewal, like we are in a infinite springtime. The snows melt and melt, like my heart everytime I sense your presence. I will treat you like glass and love you like an inferno.

I could never express to you what you mean to me. I could fill the internet with emotion, sweat, tears, lustful exhaltations, and I would not have even scratched the surface. Its as if a whole universe exists within the parameters of our love. Well, it must because I know that our love is bigger than you or I.

Happy Birthday lunarmoths!

I hope your day is as magical and beautiful as you are.

I'm gonna go wake your little cuteness up now.

Lovin comin right on up.

Its getting close to Spring. Not quite there yet, but it is right around the corner. And I'm starting to feel that Springtime giddiness. It feels like we are on the verge of something. Something great. Something life changing. I feel like we are on the precipice of great change. I'm excited.

Yesterday was a great day for our country, in my opinion. The inauguration restored my faith in the people of this country. People really can be good!

We buried my mom today.


This sucks.

Sharon J. (last name witheld) was my mother. She was born on May 16, 1943. She succumbed to the triple aggressions of bone, breast, and liver cancer on August 12, 2008 at 2:32 PM CST.

I'm having a hard time with this.

Even though she wasn't perfect by any means, she was my mother. Even though she was cruel to those I loved in the past, I still loved her. She was my mother after all. Can I be blamed for loving her still? No. I don't think so.

I love you, mom.

Sleep sweetly.

Here I am alone, pretty much. She is in the land of jazz and liquor. My heart is is away swigging down with ethereal hands tipping her bottles for her. She's down by the river, where its warm and green.

My mom is in the hospital again. She was told this time that with how far her cancer is progressed that she might want to consider quitting her treatments to ease the quality of her life. She will be placed in a nursing home for a while afterwards to strengthen her limbs so when she goes home she won't overwhelm my father. She is not thrilled by this as you can imagine, but I think it might be good for her. My fingers are crossed.

The bone cancer has spread and is eating away at the vertebrae in her spine. Her neck slumps because of a particular cluster that has almost completely eaten through a spot on her spine near her neck. It is compressing part of her spinal cord and they are aggressively attacking this with radiation. She has three more treatments of this before the hospital, not the doctor, kicks her out to somewhere.

The doctor won't say that she is going to die, but she has in many more words stated that she will not even remotely recover from this bout. On a positive note the hair product that my girl and her family got for my mom is working miracles. Her hair has almost completely grown back, or started to at least. She now looks like she has a very severe buzz cut. Her nails are growing at an almost alarming rate. I don't know if this has anything to do with the hair product or not, but she is startled and pleased by this no matter what the cause.

The driver's door on my van will not close thanks to a wind storm that we had a month ago, so it is bungie chorded to the seat belt to keep it shut. The power supply on our newer computer tower failed so all of our internet activity and computer usage are occurring on our old tower. And for the last few days the dial up service that we go through, AOL, had been experiencing problems. 12 calls later, 9 to AOL and 3 to the local phone company, I, myself, found out that the problem was not with AOL or the local phone company, but with the lines in between the two. Apparently anyone using any dial-up service with the exception of our local phone company's was experiencing the same problems. Now as you can see the problem is fixed, but only after I called AOL and told them where the problem lied. It was on a matter of hours later.

Its fucking weird how the world works. When it rains it pours, I guess.

Have fun baby.